How to look after yourself as a visitor and things that might help

Having a friend or relative stay in intensive care can be extremely stressful, particularly during periods of critical illness.

It is important to remember that during this time the patient themselves is usually completely unaware of what is going on, and so the stress and anxiety is borne entirely by you.

At this stage, it is important that you look after yourself as much as possible because you will need all your strength and resilience later on, when the patient is convalescing and probably making more demands on you.

  • Do visit as often as you want to. Do not feel that you need to be at the bedside all the time. If you can't face a visit, don't feel guilty.

  • Do share the visiting with other relatives and friends.

  • Try and visit with a friend or relative who can provide you with some support, even if they don't come into ICU with you.

  • Do ask for help from family, friends and neighbours to get to and from the hospital and to help you with shopping and household chores.

  • Do not neglect your own needs. Try and eat proper regular meals and get regular periods of rest.

  • Do share any concerns you might have about your health with your general practitioner (GP).

 

Is there anything I can do to help?


It is easy to feel useless and helpless when visiting ICU. Most visitors have never had to visit a patient in an intensive care unit before, and for at least some of the time the patient will be unconscious or heavily sedated. You do not have to do anything when visiting, but some people find it easier to be doing something to help. Examples might include:

  • Massaging the patient's hands and feet

  • Reading the patient a favourite book or newspaper, or letting them know what is happening at home

  • Helping the nurse with simple tasks such as washing, shaving and mouth care

  • If the patient is in a side room, it can be relaxing to bring some tapes of music they enjoy

 

Can a patient hear me when they are unconscious?


We think that hearing is one of the first senses to recover after sedation or a period of unconsciousness. This is why the doctors and nurses explain to patients, even when they are unconscious, what they are about to do. Some people find it comforting to talk to the patient - but do not be afraid or embarrassed. No one knows whether a loved one can hear you or not at a particular time, but it can help you to retain a connection to them 'as a person'.

 

Is there anything I can do to help the patient (if and) when they recover?

One of people's main comments when they recover from a period of critical illness is that they cannot account for all the time lost whilst they have been ill. A simple thing you could do to help prepare your loved one for this phase of their hospital stay is to keep a simple diary for them. It doesn’t have to be anything more fancy than a small notebook which you or the nurses can keep at the bedside. Then, whenever you or anyone else visits and has something they would like to say, it can be jotted down in the diary. The entries don't have long or profound: simple, personal and relevant is best.

For example:

'Monday 12 July. Not very nice weather, although the garden is looking lovely, especially where you did all the weeding in the Spring. Mrs Jacobs sends her kindest regards. Your nurse Sarah says you are doing well today, although you had a bit of a rough night.

Tuesday 13 July. We've brought you a drawing we did on the computer. Love you lots granddad, from Tilly and Jacob.'

We have found that diaries such as these can help the patients (and you) when they are strong enough to read them. It helps them to put all the pieces together again for themselves. You might also save some newspapers from the period they were unconscious – it can be disconcerting to find that they have missed out on major world events, or even characters leaving TV series.

 

Who can help me as a visitor?


Having a friend or relative in intensive care is very stressful. Apart from the strain of having someone close to you who is very unwell, there might be related financial or legal worries. If you need help for yourself, or would just like to talk to someone, the nurse looking after your relative will be able to put you in touch with someone who can offer help, advice and information. Help is available from a number of sources within the hospital including:


The Social Services Department at Addenbrooke's (for non-medical problems)

The Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) including PALS links to organisations

The Addenbrooke’s Information Centre, which has masses of information, and visiting advisors from a number of agencies including The Citizens Advice Bureau, Directions Plus and the Cambridge City Council Housing Advice Service

The Hospital chaplaincy

Last updated: 18 July, 2007
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