'We can help you work out
why you are having
problems and suggest some
practical things to do'
How common are problems?
Most people have difficulties in their sexual lives at one time
or another. It is only in fiction that couples have a 'perfect'
sex life all the time - real people have to take 'the rough with
the smooth' in sex as they do in all other areas of life.
Some people have very specific problems however, which can be
helped by various branches of healthcare and counselling.
When should I ask for help?
Most couples go through 'bad patches', and most manage to work
together to sort these out eventually. However, sometimes people
find that their sexual lives are causing them persistent distress
or unhappiness. When this happens, it makes sense to ask for help
sooner rather than later. Your general practitioner can help you
decide where you might be best to get information, testing and
treatment.
What sort of advice can I get?
Some problems might need quite simple advice including:
If a woman:
-
Gets an attack of cystitis whenever she has intercourse,
she may be helped by emptying her bladder immediately before
and after intercourse, and drinking plenty of water.
-
Finds that she has problems with lubrication after having
a baby or at the time of the menopause, she may be helped
by a simple lubricant such as Sensilube, which can be bought
at a chemist shop, or she can try an oestrogen cream prescribed
by her general practitioner (GP).
If a man:
-
Finds he tends to lose his erection when he puts on a condom,
he may be better off with alternatives - see the PCT website
for more information.
-
Finds that he is having a problem achieving or maintaining
an erection as he gets older, he might just need more-direct
stimulation of his penis. Erections that happen just as a
result of 'thinking' do get less reliable in all men as they
get older.
Your general practitioner or a family planning doctor or nurse
can often help you sort out simple problems.
Where can I go for advice?
For more detailed advice about the sorts of problems listed above,
you can go to a general family planning clinic or most general
practice surgeries.
For those who need more than just simple advice, your GP may
be able to refer you to a suitable clinic.
Other problems are better sorted out by relationship counsellors,
psychiatrists or other specialist health-care workers - your GP
or the family planning clinic staff can help you find the best
advice (see below for some suggestions).
What is meant by performance anxiety?
Whatever the origin of a sexual problem, most problems are kept
going by performance anxiety. This is the anxiety you feel when
you are in a situation where things have gone wrong before, and
you worry that the same thing will happen again. Anxiety can block
normal sexual responses, so it is the anxiety that contributes
or becomes the problem during sex. Because you are worried, it
will happen again, and when it does you become more anxious, which
makes it worse.
What can be done for performance anxiety?
You can break the cycle of performance anxiety, which will
probably either solve your problem or will help reveal the original
problem. Counsellors can help you to overcome your performance
anxiety, as well as exploring the background of your particular
problem.
Can anyone else help?
-
Relationship problems
If the main causes of your sexual difficulty are general problems
in your relationship, then a relationship counselling agency
such as Relate will be most helpful to you.
-
Emotional problems, depression etc
If your sexual difficulties are part of a wider emotional
problem, or of a depressive illness, it can be helpful to
talk to your GP about sources of help such as counselling
or psychiatry.
-
Behavioural sex therapy
Behavioural sex therapy involves couples (or sometimes individuals)
being given specific tasks to undertake (privately at home)
by the therapist. The idea is to gradually build up better
ways of responding sexually than are occurring currently.
All couples follow the same basic programme, although the
therapist will make some changes to suit the particular couple.
Behavioural sex therapy is available from Relate,
or Relate-trained therapists. Some hospital psychology departments
provide this type of therapy - we suggest you ask your GP
for advice.
-
Sexual infections
If you have or think you might have a sexual
infection, seek help and advice from a department of genitourinary
medicine (GUM). For example, Clinic
1a at Addenbrooke's in Cambridge are happy to 'check you
out' for infections and offer you advice and information.
-
Potential for illegal sexual behaviour
Some sexual behaviours are illegal eg incest and paedophilia.
Those whose sexual behaviour brings them into conflict with
the law will need advice and treatment via a forensic psychiatry
department. Your GP can offer you advice on whom to contact.
-
Gender dysphoria
Gender dysphoria is a term for the belief that you have been
born the 'wrong' sex. This is a very specialised area of sexual
medicine. You need to ask your GP for advice and
referral. Often, you will first be seen by a local psychiatrist,
followed by further evaluation at a specialist centre.
Also on this website
|
